Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: Welcome, everybody, to another show of battle. Ready? This is where, you know, it's reinventing yourself. It's not about what happens to. It's just how you overcome and react to those challenges. You know, today we have the good fortune of having Vanessa Lago. I'm gonna say that right. Please correct me if I mispronounce it.
What is it?
[00:00:37] Speaker A: Lagoa.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Okay, that start one Lagoa from the sobriety Buzz up. She's the founder up in Massachusetts. Good morning.
[00:00:46] Speaker A: Good morning. Thank you for having me.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: No, thank you so much for being here. You know, we talked a little bit as we were preparing for the. The start, and you have some very interesting things to say about your journey. Tell me about what got you to found the sobriety buzz.
[00:01:05] Speaker A: So I founded the Sobriety Buzz because I had just over five years of sobriety, and I found that I was constantly helping other people in their, you know, sobriety journeys. And I always, will always give credit to 12 step programs like AA but I just felt like there was more and there was something missing in those programs.
So I created a program that I work one on one with people who are struggling and looking to change their relationship with alcohol.
But that came from certainly my own bit of a mess.
[00:01:41] Speaker B: Okay. So, you know, it's that.
That's something you should be very proud of. You know, here again, we talked about not what happened. It's how you can.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: You.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: You want to share any about a little bit about your story. I mean, you got go real into. But what happened, what was going on in your world that you became. Had a relationship with the alcohol.
[00:02:04] Speaker A: So my, what I call love affair with alcohol started from the very first time I touched it. I was 15.
And for 21 solid years, there was a very toxic relationship with alcohol that I had.
What is, I think, very normal about my story is that my life looked fine.
And, you know, I live in a beautiful home. I have a wonderful family, run a business, and my story never included a rock bottom that many people would have expected.
But I knew that my life was becoming unmanageable as I knew it. And I had tried many times on my own to quit drinking alcohol, and I struggled. So finally, after 21 years of realizing that if I did not get a hold of that relationship, that I was going to lose everything that I'd worked so hard for.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: Sure. I mean, I. I'm sure that was a challenge in itself.
What. Was there anything specific that that kind of made you reevaluate hard or was it just ongoing 21 years of, you know, oh, I need to stop. Oh, oh, I'll stop tomorrow, or whatever. So how did that go?
[00:03:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, ultimately I just got tired of my own bull. I was over it, sure.
Many times I would make up these rules to a game that I couldn't even follow. You know, it would be okay, I'm only going to drink on the weekends, or I'm not going to keep alcohol in my home, or I'll never drink and drive. But I was not able to obey my own rules. And ultimately I just was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and living. I felt like I was just on a hamster wheel pretending everything was great and just not feeling like I was living up to my potential, you know.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: And that's an interesting thing. And you mentioned this earlier. So you said that, you know, nobody really saw from outside. It's like the everybody, you know, when. When couples get divorced and they've been on Facebook and everything looks so magical and they're like, what?
[00:04:22] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: You know, so that's what you were going through, huh?
[00:04:26] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I always say that being a suburban mom is the perfect cover up for somebody who has an alcohol problem. Because alcohol is so ingrained in our society. It's so. It's normal. It's. You know, I could be sitting at my kids baseball games with a yeti. Like, I always joke about how I had a yeti cup that said, there's a chance this is vodka. And people would laugh, but like, it really was.
You could go to baby showers and drink. You could go to weddings and drink. In all of these areas of life, alcohol has been invited.
So because I wasn't falling down all the time. I wasn't stealing from people, you know, to feed a habit. I looked fine, I looked normal. I looked like many other people who were hiding in plain sight having that challenge.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Right, right.
I know that.
You ever heard the, the phrase, Monday's the first day of the rest of your life?
[00:05:25] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: You know, it's because everybody's gonna stop on Monday. They're gonna go find a job on Monday. They're gonna quit, they're gonna lose weight starting Monday. They're gonna go to the gym on Monday. Was that one of those things for you?
[00:05:37] Speaker A: That was absolutely. And you know, I think one of the things that I struggled with early in my sobriety was I thought so far ahead. I thought, how will I ever, you know, go on a vacation and not be drinking? How could I? You know, my youngest at the Time was a year old, and I thought, how could I go to this wedding one day and not drink? I mean, these things, it. They became paralyzing because I was so used to having, you know, my toxic best friend with me all the time.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:06:09] Speaker A: And, you know, became my crutch, and it became something that was always there. So when I thought so far into the future, it became daunting. And I thought, forget it. I can't do this. When I learned, you know, in aa, they say one day at a time, and I heard it. But when I really understood that I just have to worry about today, I don't have to think that far ahead, it became a lot more manageable. I knew I could for one day.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Okay. And so, you know, I don't know that much about AA except for what I see on movies. Right. So tell me, your first visit to aa, how was that?
[00:06:49] Speaker A: Oh. So there are some moments in your life that, you know, you could close your eyes and relive. You can feel it. You could smell the. You just. You're so immersed in the memories.
That day was.
Is ingrained. And I.
I didn't know that I could quit drinking. I was afraid I couldn't do it. So I told nobody. So I was sneaking off from work to go to meetings. And that first meeting, I drove to this dumpy little church at noon on a Tuesday.
And I saw all these older gentlemen going in and thought, I don't really belong here. So I drove off.
And then I thought, nope, I'm here for a reason. I know I need to be here. I went back. I made a. A little deal with the universe, that if I saw a woman go in, I would go in.
And emerged from a passenger side of a car was this woman who I later came to know as Lisa.
And I became paralyzed. I couldn't even walk. I couldn't speak. And she could see it in me. She walked me in, sat me down, and for a solid hour, I cried. Because I knew I needed to be there. I knew that this problem had really taken hold of me. But I also knew that I was seeing people whose lives were different than mine. But the story was the same. The feelings were the same, and they carried a message of hope. And I thought, I don't know that I fit in here, but I'm gonna listen, and I'm gonna do what I'm told. And that was the beginning. And it was difficult, but it was one of the best decisions that I ever made.
[00:08:24] Speaker B: So, being new there, did you. Did you talk the first day or did you just listen or did you. I know you said you cried.
[00:08:33] Speaker A: Oh, I cried.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:08:35] Speaker A: The format of the meeting, they're all different, but this one, each person would go around, introduce themselves, say, hi, I'm Vanessa and I'm a. I'm an alcoholic.
And it got to me and I just said, I'm Vanessa and I've never done this before. And it was this.
All these people in this room were just there. And that's all. I couldn't, I couldn't say I was an alcoholic. I hadn't accepted that. And today I don't, I don't use the term. I just say I'm somebody who doesn't drink anymore.
But that I didn't say much. I just listened.
[00:09:12] Speaker B: You know, I think that's probably still hard. I have a couple friends that, that have been through the program and, and naturally what you said early on is 100, right? You know, I'm, I'm former military.
Every alcohol is like part of what us.
Not good, bad or ugly, but we just do.
Even kids birthday parties, you have the kids section, you have the adult section and, and it's just the way it is. And some know when to stop and some just don't.
[00:09:48] Speaker A: Right? And it's funny you say kids birthday parties because the last time that I took a drink was at one of my children's birthday parties. And, and then I didn't end well. And I woke up the next day thinking I have to change. This isn't. I'm not being the present parent that I want to be. And you know, I was just tired of waking up with regret or, or wonder, you know, I wonder what I said, I wonder what I did.
And yeah, I mean it's, it is, it's very ingrained. But the good news is I feel that the sober curious movement is really taking over and there is the stigma behind alcoholism or people who have, you know, drinking problems is really being removed. It's really coming to light that people aren't alone.
And that was a big part of what pushed me to do what I do was people don't. I struggled in the beginning alone. I was ashamed. I was full of regret.
And that beginning was so difficult that I really worked this program so that people don't have to suffer alone.
[00:11:02] Speaker B: You know, I think that's kind of interesting, especially in today's demographic, in today's world. You know, we were talking about this, it's kind of offline, but some of the. I have a 17 year old granddaughter that's getting ready to turn 18 in a month and a half, doesn't have a driver's license, doesn't even care, doesn't even want.
Right.
And then we were talking about that is because most people now use Uber so much because of the problems with DWIs and drinking and driving and all the stuff that's on the news about accidents with that involve alcohol.
And I think that kind of supports what you're saying. It's not, you're not alone. It means people are trying harder not to do stupid things or senseless things that they don't know are senseless at the time.
So I'm sure that helps a lot.
[00:11:57] Speaker A: Yeah, there, and there are so many resources now. I mean, I know I'm very active on Tick Tock and there's a sober movement on Tick Tock called Sober Talk. And, you know, there's so many people who share their stories, and I think that when somebody's struggling or they're wondering, you know, do I have a problem? Is this something that I should change? And they come across somebody who is like them, who lives a life like them, they, they find some hope. They think, hey, if she can do it, I can do it. And, you know, I'm excited to be part of that because especially for the younger generation, you know, I, I look to the, the young 20s and early 30s, and I'm like, oh, if you could just have the confidence in yourself and know that, you know, having a drink isn't going to make things better. It's not going to, it hinders your memory. You're, we're, we're checking out during parts of our lives that should be so exciting that we never want to forget. And here we are picking up a drink, forgetting. And you know, I just, I, I don't live with regret, but I always think, man, if I had gotten a hold of my drinking in my 20s or 30s, where would I be today?
[00:13:14] Speaker B: You know, they Say hindsight is 20 20. Right, right.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: It is true.
[00:13:19] Speaker B: You know, so, and, and so it makes it harder to think, okay, what could have been better would have been better. I think the amazing thing about you is that you've figured it out. I mean, so to speak, you know, you, you saw a little bit, you've experienced some, and now you're in a position that you can guide others.
Because although you felt by yourself, you know, I tell people all the time, maybe in your area there's nobody like you, but there's hundreds, thousands of people around the world just like you mimicking Your world and you don't know what you don't know, right?
[00:13:56] Speaker A: Yes. And I think that when somebody struggles with drugs or alcohol, the, like I said, the stories may be different. You know, you may have had a dui, you may have done jail time, you may have done something that I haven't done. But I can guarantee that we feel, we have the same feelings. That shame, that regret, that guilt that, you know, just being tired of feeling, you know, almost jailed by a drink or a drug. And when you sit in meetings or you work one on one with a coach or you hear people talking about their story, it doesn't matter what the details are. The, the bottom line is the same.
[00:14:45] Speaker B: The answer is the how you feel.
[00:14:47] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:14:48] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. So, so you bet, you went through that and, and you started this program.
So how do people reach out to you if they just, you know, you're far away, maybe from them, so they can reach out to you. So it's like not as I would.
[00:15:04] Speaker A: Imagine, daunting, you know, So I think that the beauty of the program that I offer is that it can all be virtual.
We do private one on one sessions. I have a website, thesobrietybuzz.com you can get information there and you can, you know, reach right out to me. We can connect, talk a little bit. I offer a 15 minute consultation, see if we're the right fit. You know, I cannot work with people who are not ready to make changes. You know, I've had spouses reach out to me like, please help my, you know, help my husband or help my wife. And unfortunately, until somebody's really ready to get the help themselves, it's not the right fit. But when somebody is ready, we start working together. And you know, I really get so excited to help people and, and I know that people come to me feeling full of despair and, but I, and I try to hold back my excitement because I know when they make this decision, their life is going to transform. It happens each and every time and it's pretty amazing.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: So, and you said when spouses call you, that is, I mean, would you prefer the actual person to call you? Does that make it a little bit more real?
[00:16:23] Speaker A: Yeah, it shows me that if somebody's reaching out, they're ready. You know, nobody really goes to my website, looks things over, looks at the program and reaches out unless they're, they're ready, they're ready to make the commitment to themselves. My program's a 90 day program that is designed to kind of re evaluate and restructure your Life without alcohol or, you know, I do have some people that are not ready to say that they're ready to give up alcohol, but they're ready to change the relationship. And we start there nine times.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: We're going to come back in a minute. Yeah, we're going to come back a minute. We're going to take this commercial fast. One talk about these signs that you find. Thanks, guys. We'll be back after this commercial.
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to battle. Ready? I have the amazing opportunity to be speaking with Vanessa. I'm going to mess up. Lego.
Lego, Lego. Okay. All right. You know, I used to, when I was up in, in Massachusetts, they used to say Chavez and Chevy and all kinds of things. So I apologize up front. We've been talking for a little while now about your experience and your company, the sobriety buzz. Let's talk a little bit about some of the signs. What are some of the signs? Whether it's family members seeing it or them realizing that they may need to reevaluate their alcohol engagement.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: I think one of the most crucial signs is like I had said earlier, you know, you're start. You're starting to make rules to a game that you can't follow. Know rules like, okay, I'm only going to drink on the weekends or I'm not going to keep alcohol in my home, and you're not sticking to those rules.
While I normally will say that other people's opinions of you are none of your business, I do think in a situation where, you know, alcohol or drugs are involved, if your family members or your friends are coming to you saying, hey, you know, I think you have a problem, there's a strong chance that they are correct. They know you.
But, you know, if you're lying about the amount of alcohol you're consuming or how often you're consuming or you're having trouble focusing, you're late all the time, you're getting terrible sleep, you're waking up not having a recollection of, you know, the night before or waking up, you know, with these feelings of regret.
Alcohol may have a bit of a hold on you.
[00:19:06] Speaker B: Do you see or when you talk to the people you work with, how often are the, you know, in the mornings, the families are kind of of that person, are avoiding them or maybe not looking them in the eye or really not want to engage that conversation because they're not. They're not comfortable in where it will go. Do people experience that?
[00:19:28] Speaker A: Oh, absolutely. I think a lot of times, you know, a spouse or a loved one Will this has, this becomes repetitive behavior. So it's not a one time thing like, oh man, you know, what a night. This is repetitive and it's disappointing to family members. It is, it almost becomes something that families expect and they, they start to walk on eggshells around the, the problem drinker.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: And that must be even pretty uncomfortable for them. Is there kind of anything out there to help them?
[00:20:07] Speaker A: There are absolutely programs that are designed for those who, you know, loved ones of people who are struggling. I believe Al Anon is one that's the one that I, that comes to mind.
[00:20:21] Speaker B: Sure, sure.
And I'm sure maybe the churches help out, you know, with their congregation or something like that.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: Absolutely. And I mean there are many therapists, there are, that specialize in addiction and I'm sure that they treat, most of them will treat, you know, family members as well because addiction is not, does not only affect the person who's drinking or drugging. It's, it's a, unfortunately it becomes a family disease.
[00:20:48] Speaker B: Can family members go to a, with their, with their, the member that's having a challenge?
[00:20:56] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. I know most, most programs will allow for family members to come. Usually they can't speak, but they can listen and they can definitely find support there. I mean, I've had family members that have attended with other family members in support, especially early on. I think when somebody's having a hard time actually taking the step to walk through the door, it's nice to have some comfort.
[00:21:26] Speaker B: So when you took the steps, did you do it solo? Did you. So, so you went added just head on or what?
[00:21:34] Speaker A: I went solo. And my main reason was I genuinely did not believe that I was, is going to be able to stop.
So my rationale at the time was if, if I don't tell anybody that I'm doing this and I fail, you know, they then, then they know. And if I go and they know and I fail, they will believe that I love alcohol more than I love my family, which wasn't true, but that's what I was afraid of. So I did go alone for, for quite some time.
[00:22:09] Speaker B: Yeah. So. All right, so you said that you're talking about the 12 step program.
How long does that take?
[00:22:18] Speaker A: So the 12 step program is really designed for a lifetime. It's not, you know, you're not really checking off boxes and being like 12.
[00:22:26] Speaker B: Weeks when you're done. Okay.
[00:22:27] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean I don't, I do not follow a 12 step program anymore, but it is definitely something that is meant to be lived forever.
[00:22:40] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. And so you.
You live that for time, and then at what point did you kind of transition from living that to founding your company and doing what you do now?
[00:23:00] Speaker A: So it was. It was several years. I'd say probably three years that I went on and off. I always say I wasn't a very good AA member because I wasn't follow. I wasn't following the 12 steps the way that they were intended to be followed.
And, you know, many people in the program would say, if you're not following the steps, you won't be successful.
And I'm a bit stubborn. And so I feel like part of that was me setting out to prove that, you know, there are many ways to do different things. Just like there are many religions or there are many. You know, there are many ways to. To get to the same end result.
I dove really deep into personal development.
I did work with a substance abuse or an alcohol recovery therapist for a period of time, and I really started to build my own arsenal of things that worked. And that's when I started thinking, hey, you know what? I can share this with other people.
And so I was certified as a professional recovery coach, and the rest was history.
[00:24:01] Speaker B: Okay, so is. So are you alcohol specific or any kind of drugs and alcohol or what?
[00:24:09] Speaker A: I tend to work more with people who have a problem with their drinking, but ultimately, any type of addiction really all stems from the same place. So alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, shopping, food, they. The. The root tends to be the same. So I do work with people who are struggling with different things.
[00:24:37] Speaker B: So I asked you earlier in the last segment, how do we get a hold of you? How does somebody get a hold of. Of Vanessa, say, hey, listen, I want to talk to you for 15 minutes, see if we work.
[00:24:48] Speaker A: So my website is thesobrietybuzz.com.
you can submit an inquiry there, and I'll get back to you and we can set something up.
I'm very active on TikTok, which is the sobriety buzz, and Instagram as well, under the same name.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: Okay, is this it? Can you see up on the screen? Is this it?
Okay, perfect. And. And what would you tell somebody that's reaching out to you? Is there any kind of. I don't want to say guidance, but is there, like, a motivator that you could throw to them to say, hey, look, come check it out?
[00:25:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, well, first of all, I always will congratulate somebody for reaching out, because that. That first step of acknowledging that, like, hey, maybe I have this issue and I should talk to Somebody about it is huge. That takes many people many years.
So when they reach out, I'm always proud of them for. For taking that step. And I really try to explain to people that as heavy as it seems right now, this is not forever. When I celebrated five years of sobriety, I went and got tattoos on my wrist that read, this too, shall pass.
And that was something I constantly reminded myself of when I was struggling early on, was that how I'm feeling right now doesn't have to be forever. And that is what I remind them of, that right now, this, you know, task of getting sober might seem so overwhelming, but it really is an exciting step into the next chapter of life. And.
No. And I really remind them that not one single person that I have met that has given up alcohol has regretted it.
Not one.
[00:26:41] Speaker B: Okay, would you. What about.
Do you know anybody that has done it by themselves?
[00:26:49] Speaker A: Do I know anyone? I'm sure I know plenty of people who have done it themselves.
I tend to find that the people who do it alone are not as vocal about it. They're. They're a bit more private. I think that a lot of people like me, when we see our lives changing and transforming and becoming better versions of ourselves, like, I couldn't keep that to myself.
I know Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, AA anonymity is a massive part of that. A lot of people want to be there and be anonymous, and I have full respect for that. But I have always chosen to recover out loud, because if my sharing my experience and my story and hope with somebody else gives them that. That hope and that promise, then so be it. It's worth all the, you know, shame, embarrassment, guilt that I could feel. I. I don't feel that well.
[00:27:46] Speaker B: I think the good thing about you said earlier, there's just so many different resources out there. You don't have to do it alone.
[00:27:52] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:27:52] Speaker B: And. And that burden of I'm on an island by myself shouldn't be there because, you know, everywhere on the Internet, there's places. There's places everywhere in the neighborhoods around you so that there's some place for you to go.
[00:28:06] Speaker A: Right. Yeah. And.
And I. Again, I think the stigma is being lifted. I don't think. You know, I remember going to a wedding only weeks sober and having this panic of, like, everyone's gonna know I'm not drinking, because I was for many years of life, the life of the party and. Or so I thought. I realize now that I was, like, likely obnoxious and thinking that I was so much fun, but you Know, I remember just thinking, what are they going to think? What are they going to say? Are they going to think I'm pregnant again? I have five children, so that was always something.
But, you know, I was really consumed with it because I thought in my head everybody else drank, like, I drank, too, and so they would think it was strange if I didn't. And I quickly realized that there are a lot of people who have a lot of fun that don't drink alcohol. And I like to think that now I'm one of them. But, you know, it's not. It's not as heavy as we tend to. To think that it's going to be.
[00:29:15] Speaker B: Okay, we'll come right back with that note. We're going back to commercial, everybody.
Thank you, Vanessa, for being with us. And we're going to keep talking on about your experiences and what you can do to help us.
Be right back.
Hey, welcome back. With Vanessa here, battle ready. Vanessa is the founder of the Sobriety Buzz. You know, we've had some interesting conversations over the last few segments into what people experience and their. Their fear of letting people know what's going on. So, Vanessa, we were talking earlier. Tell me a little bit about all the things that you have been doing not only for yourself, but for your clients and. And help coaching them through their journey.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: Sure. So I realized probably about three or four years into being alcohol free, that I was still irritable and restless and I wasn't fulfilled. And I was frustrated because I remember feeling like, okay, I'm gonna give up alcohol, and then I'm gonna, you know, run marathons and do yoga and lose all this weight, and life is going to be amazing because I'm sober, and that wasn't unfolding for me, and I felt like something was missing.
So I started to dive deeper into personal development.
And because I didn't really know who I was, I mean, I had started drinking at 15, and for 21 years, that was just such a big part of me. So I sort of had to reinvent myself and figure out, who am I, what do I like, what do I love, what do I like to do?
And so I started going to personal development trainings and seminars. I started really reading a lot of material, similar material.
And that's when the magic started to happen for me because I became more confident in, you know, who I was, and. And I started to reinvent, you know, I wasn't the party girl anymore. I wasn't the wino anymore. I wasn't, you know, the person who was given Gifts like wine and, you know, alcohol related things. I was a different person.
And that's when the magic happened. That's when I started to discover, you know, a new life in sobriety.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: You know, you say you started at 15.
About what age were you when. When you started this journey?
The.
[00:31:57] Speaker A: The change. I was 36 years old, and the morning that I knew it all had to change, I was physically, emotionally, spiritually, completely drained after a rough evening.
And I woke up and had to go teach a class to a group of women that were relying on me. And I was 36 years old, dressed professionally on a Monday morning.
I drove into Boston and I was so depleted that I pulled over in the breakdown lane and I slept in my car for 30 minutes before I went to go teach this class.
And when I set that alarm to wake up in 30 minutes, I thought, what has become of my life?
This is not okay anymore. And that's when I knew. And my husband sent me a text message that said, I knew it was only a matter of time before the alcohol caught up to us.
And it was. I mean, I repeat that sometimes to myself because as we talked about earlier, it affecting, you know, spouses and families.
[00:33:13] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:33:14] Speaker A: It was almost like he had. He was just waiting for the bomb to drop, and it finally had.
So that was sort of.
[00:33:22] Speaker B: Obviously, he should. He was pretty supportive, huh?
[00:33:27] Speaker A: Yes, he's been very supportive. In fact, you know, my husband loves Diet Coke. And I go, like, I would never drink a Diet Coke. I just don't care about a Diet Coke. You know, if I never had one in my life, it wouldn't phase me. And luckily for him, that's sort of how he felt about alcohol. Like he could take it or leave it, which I always found very strange, but he could. And so when I stopped, he stopped as well.
He doesn't really make a big deal about it because like I said, it's alcohol to him, is Diet Coke to me. But I. I am very grateful for that because I can't imagine trying to quit if it was right there all the time.
So.
[00:34:10] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: And my children are very well aware now. They sometimes come home and they're like, oh, my God, we watched your Tick Tock video today and we showed our friends and, you know, but I'm proud of that because they're learning to grow up with, I think, pretty fun, cool parents who don't drink. And, you know, I'm proud of that. I'm proud that they.
That they see a life like that and that they don't Remember life before that, which I am very grateful for.
[00:34:43] Speaker B: So you, you said earlier that, that you started going to classes and, and going to some self help stuff.
Did you even know what you like back then? I mean, because you were.
[00:34:56] Speaker A: No, no, I. Because I. Because alcohol was always invited, right? I was never fully present. And I clearly became somebody who, you know, I'd say, hey, like, let's go for a glass of wine. That did not mean a glass of wine. That meant two bottles of wine. And so I never really, I was never at ease with myself.
You know, I don't, I still struggle with. Is alcohol a disease or not? I don't know. But I was at dis ease, right, because I didn't, I couldn't be sober. I. I couldn't be comfortable with myself. So when I started going to these self development, personal development things, I started to learn to sit with myself. I realized that when I was drinking for all these years of my life, one, I had a victim mentality because things were happening to me, right? I was, it was never my fault, right? These things were happening and I was creating chaos everywhere I went, whether it was big or small.
And so when I learned to stop drinking and be at peace, I was really uncomfortable because I didn't know what to do with that peace or quiet or calm. My mind was always racing. And until I really learned to be at ease in the calm and the quiet, that's when things started to really change. Because then I started to think, you know what? These are the things I like. I like the beach. I like to read. I like, I like more simple things. I don't always need that fast life or the chaos life.
[00:36:34] Speaker B: Yeah, sure.
[00:36:35] Speaker A: Oh, I love fast life. Or I thought I loved the fast life, but I realize now that that fast, wild party life was not really me. It was a symptom of, you know, a solution that I gave myself. Alcoholism. It's not a good solution, but it is a solution.
[00:36:56] Speaker B: It's a kind of a filler that kind of rolls out, I think, longer, right?
[00:37:00] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:37:01] Speaker B: I know when I first retired from the military, everybody asked me, what you going to do? I'm like, I don't know. I got to figure out what I do, you know, what I'm going to do when I grow up. You know, that was kind of my journey, you know, after getting out. Because I did something for so long that I really didn't know anything else. I had no really clue what I wanted to do when I grew up.
I feel like based on what you're hearing, it's kind of you. It's like, oh, man, now what. What's out there? That's cool. That really gels with me. And I think you found it with the sobriety buzz, huh?
[00:37:28] Speaker A: I. I really did. And I have always loved people. I mean, I really genuinely love people. My primary career is I own a hair salon. So I am blessed to be able to sit with women all day long and hear, you know, make them look good and hear about their lives. And I love the connection. So I've always loved that. And I've always had, you know, teachers would always say, oh, she talks too much. Well, you know what? Now I'm using my voice to do good. And it really feels very authentic to be able to.
To share and help other people, to see that hope in their life and to be motivated and to think that, hey, you know what, if she could. Could change her life, I could change my life, too.
[00:38:11] Speaker B: So is it sometimes hard to be quiet and listen?
[00:38:17] Speaker A: That is a practice. And I.
It's hard for me sometimes to see people struggling in aspects of their life that I. That I can see as an outsider and as a coach, that if they implemented certain things, they could change. But I am respectful that sometimes people just need to talk. They don't want. They're not looking for solutions, and I respect that. And I think I put myself out there enough that they know if they're ready to make a change, they can come to me, but I won't. I try not to push, you know, and I don't judge people who drink alcohol, not one single bit. Most of my closest girlfriends, you know, we go out, they have a few drinks. I don't judge at all. I don't mind being around it.
I like to think that I'm just a pretty open book and that I always say I try to be real raw and relatable.
So I'm going to tell you how it is, and if you relate and you need help, you know, you can come to me.
[00:39:17] Speaker B: That's kind of Massachusetts mentality too, huh?
[00:39:20] Speaker A: I. Yes, yes. And know throughout my journey, I have worked on a lot of things, patience being one. Except if you drive in Massachusetts, it's like the universe is testing me when I drive. It's like, are you really healed? Are you really patient now? And no, that's. That's my forever test is driving in Massachusetts.
[00:39:42] Speaker B: Guys, we'll be right back. We're going into a commercial and f. Following up with the final segment with Ms. Vanessa. Be right back.
Welcome back to Battle ready. The final segment with Vanessa, the founder certified professional recovery coach. That is with the sobriety buzz. And before we start, go ahead and tell us how we can find you, Vanessa.
[00:40:09] Speaker A: So my website is thesobrietybuzz.com I'm on TikTok and Instagram as well under the same name.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: Okay. So we were talking about if somebody, when somebody reaches out to you and if you see on the screen right now we have your. Is that the Instagram or website?
[00:40:25] Speaker A: That's the website.
[00:40:26] Speaker B: Okay. I'm, I'm old. I can't see very well. So when they reach out to you, you do a 15 minute kind of conversation. Tell me how that goes and what can they expect.
[00:40:39] Speaker A: So once somebody reaches out, I'll give them a call, we'll do a zoom or a phone call, whatever they're more comfortable with.
And I really just try to get in their head, like, are they. Usually people will say, like, I'm ready. I don't want to live like this anymore. I need help.
And I just ask them, you know, a couple of questions about their level of commitment. Are they ready? Are they coming to me because they want to? Are they coming to me because, you know, they're being pushed by family and are they really ready to dive in and make this a priority in their life for the next 90 days?
Because 90 days has proven to be most effective and, and really breaking the cycle.
So, you know, if their commitment level is there and they're ready to dive in, then we partner together. And, you know, a lot of what we do isn't alcohol related. A lot of it is about reinventing and, you know, figuring out where you are and where you want to be and then creating a road map like, how are we going to get from here to there?
[00:41:45] Speaker B: And how often do you talk to them during these 90 days?
[00:41:48] Speaker A: The program's designed so in the first month, we talk every week for an hour via zoom and we text, communicate throughout. I'm pretty open to that because I understand that there are times that times of the day and night that people are struggling, so I am pretty readily available.
And then as the months go on, we space it out to every two weeks.
And then when people finish the 90 days, sometimes they want to continue and we'll continue to add an hour here and there or check in maybe once a month.
[00:42:20] Speaker B: You give them homework?
[00:42:21] Speaker A: I do. So. So as a kid, I wasn't the best student. So I still have this, like, trauma with homework and being told what to do. So I suggest, I offer Suggestions?
[00:42:33] Speaker B: Highly recommend.
[00:42:34] Speaker A: Yeah, what I recommend, and I will say that my clients.
My clients are coming to me and they're making a commitment and they're making an investment in themselves.
So they are always eager to do the homework. And I like to think that it's pretty fun.
You know, one of my favorite clients was struggling with sort of like some social anxiety and, you know, getting out there and talking to people. So her homework one week that she did take me up on was to go speed dating.
And, you know, at first she's like, I. I can't do it. I can't do it. And she did it and she loved it. And she went again. And it was just a really good. It wasn't about really so much finding a partner, but it was about, you know, these short, you know, five or ten minute conversations she was having with people. And the exercise was really, you get to go and you get to reinvent yourself every five minutes. So if you present a version of yourself that you're like, I don't want to be her anymore, then move on and recreate. And, you know, she had a lot of success with that. And so it's homework like that. It's. It tends to be fun.
[00:43:38] Speaker B: Okay. And what's one of the biggest.
I mean, without saying, what was one of the biggest challenges of a person that's reached out to you that, you know, was like.
Like the big mountain that they had overcome?
[00:43:50] Speaker A: I mean, I think for me, as a professional, the hardest thing has been seeing people gain some sobriety and then drop off and then have to repick up. Because I think once you have committed and then you sort of relapse or you go back to drinking.
For me, it becomes the weight of, like, I just want that person to continue. But I try to be patient. But, I mean, people have come to me with, you know, DUIs or their spouses threatening that if they don't change, they're going to file for divorce. So those are some pretty heavy. Some pretty heavy things. But when people get through that, I mean, sometimes I think I get more excited about their recovery than they do because it's. I'm like, I always say, I trained even through college as a cheerleader. And so I'm like, yes, I will be your number one cheerleader and support you along the way.
[00:44:48] Speaker B: Is. Is there a book you might recommend for somebody to read that that helped you?
[00:44:56] Speaker A: Well, soon I will have my own book coming out.
[00:44:59] Speaker B: Congratulations.
[00:45:01] Speaker A: Thank you. I. I think that will be helpful to people. There's a lot of Great. Quit lit.
I will say that the big book, the. The AA book was very helpful to me in the beginning, and I think for many people sort of to help navigate, you know, is this something that.
Do I have a problem? And I would say suggest if somebody was going to read any excerpt from that, it would be the doctor's opinion that lays out.
That lays out a story that I think 99 of people who are struggling can identify with and kind of go, wow, that's me.
[00:45:44] Speaker B: And so you said this in one of the other segments. You kind of alluded to it earlier here.
I guess the fear of failure is why some people don't start.
I mean, so basically what you said is people working and then they fell off and they came back and they fell off.
Yep.
But, I mean, what would you tell them that would say, you know, just because you fail once doesn't mean you got to stop?
[00:46:13] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, to me, life is about making mistakes. If you are making mistakes, you are trying, you are doing something. If you are not making mistakes, you're stagnant. I mean, that's not. There's no growth if you're not trying something. And if you're trying and you're failing, so be it. You do it again. I mean, look at when we have little kids, they ride their bikes for the first time and they fall off. We don't say, oh, you failed. Forget that. We encourage them, get up, do it again, keep going. You've got this, you know, a year from now, you'll be riding with your hands up in the air. Right. I mean, it's, you know, it's. It's a process and it's. It's not always pretty. I always tell my clients that it is not always going to be easy, but it's always going to be worth it. So if there are bumps in the road. There are bumps in the road that we don't worry about yesterdays. We worry about today and the days ahead.
[00:47:05] Speaker B: What about cutting the people out of your life that are negative Nellies, for lack of a better word? I mean, we've talked about this with a couple other guests, but, you know, you got to be unafraid to release those people. What are your thoughts?
[00:47:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of times people who may not be supportive of this change that people are making in their lives, oftentimes those people may need to reevaluate their own relationship with alcohol.
[00:47:39] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:47:40] Speaker A: But I think becomes you need to be able to accept that you have to be okay with being misunderstood. And you have to understand that the power in you is only for you. You can't control how other people think or how other people behave. So if you're around people who aren't supportive, you need to make a decision. Is this aligned with where you're going? And if not, you know, do you have to separatize? I don't know. I mean, it's very. That's a very individual decision.
[00:48:12] Speaker B: Sure. But people shouldn't be scared to, because, you know, when they say where one door closes and another one opens, you know, you just open yourself.
[00:48:21] Speaker A: I definitely think that I heard it a lot in the beginning, like, oh, your life's going to be better than you ever could have imagined. And like I said those first few years, I was like, I'm just not picking up what you're putting down here. This is just not happening.
But. But now I say that with so much sincerity, that I genuinely believe that the opportunities and possibilities that lie ahead because of this one decision that I made are immeasurable. I think that life is so much more exciting and freeing. And I think when you're tied to a drink or a drug, you are trapped. And when you can release that one thing, people don't want to give up that one thing because they're afraid. But when you give up that one thing, you get so much more.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: Probably a lot more clarity also, huh?
[00:49:09] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely.
[00:49:12] Speaker B: So you have to practice not to drink. Have you heard that?
[00:49:16] Speaker A: Say that again. You practice. What?
[00:49:17] Speaker B: You have to practice not to drink.
Have you ever heard that before?
[00:49:21] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, is a practice when you're so accustomed to just a habit, a bad habit, coming home, grabbing something, you have to. You have to break that habit. So I suggest to people in the beginning, let's worry about the addiction, not the habit. Meaning if you're used to coming home every day at 5 o' clock and pouring a drink, come home at 5 o' clock and pour a drink. But let it be a mocktail. Use your favorite wine glass. Do. Don't worry so much about the habit. Worry about, let's get, like, the actual poison out of your body first. And then we go from there and we, you know, so make adjustments. Exactly.
[00:49:58] Speaker B: Baby steps.
[00:49:59] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:50:00] Speaker B: All right, one last minute. We were getting ready to close down. Tell us about your website. Tell us what they need to do to come get a hold of you.
[00:50:07] Speaker A: All you have to do, go to www.the sobriety buzz.com. there's a contact form you can reach right out. And I try to get back to you within a day.
[00:50:17] Speaker B: All right. Vanessa, it's been amazing talking to you. Your story is amazing. I know there's a lot of people that have gone through it, and I'm glad you're out there for that extra resource to help people to that next step.
[00:50:29] Speaker A: Appreciate your time so much for having me. I appreciate it and I hope this message lands in the ears of somebody who needs to hear it.
[00:50:37] Speaker B: I'm sure it will. We'll talk to you soon, everybody. Thanks for joining us. And Vanessa on Battle Ready.
[00:50:44] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:50:45] Speaker B: Thanks.
